I used to be so happy. I had great friends and no issues. I was a normal kid that just laughed at the stupidest things and only wanted to hang out with her friends. Then I just sorta met a guy. He changed everything but in a good way. He made me feel complete. We dated for about a year and I was in love. Out of nowhere, he leaves me. He just fucking leaves me without even caring. I was dieing on the inside and I didn’t know why. It doesn’t stop there. All of these rumors started going around about me and I didn’t know how to deal with them. I’m a good kid. I study, go to school, hang out with good kids, and I get good grades. I’ve never touched drugs. Im a virgin. I’m an example of a perfect child for most parents but that’s not enough. My parents still weren’t happy and constantly brought me down about anything I did. I felt locked in my own pit of despair. I lost a lot of friends. I don’t know if I drove them away or if they just couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t know how to cope with the pain. I was so alone when I needed someone. It never got better. I don’t know how to deal with anything. I lost e v e r y t h i n g that ever meant anything to me. Along the way of constant;y sobbing for stupid reasons, I started to self harm. The worst part is that no one stopped me; no one cared. When people slowly noticed, they didn’t try to address the issue. They let me be which I guess is good. I didn’t want to talk about it but I needed someone’s advice. My parents never noticed. I have been cutting for nearly six months now. It has gotten to the point where blood drips down my hand. Its awfully scary but its a good way to release pain. There was one time where my arm was covered with scars and unhealed cuts and I had to constantly wear hoodies. I havent been happy in such a long time. Thats the only thing I want nowadays. I want to tell my mother I’m depressed, but that’ll come with a price. I really need antidepressants but there’s no way Ill get them unless I come clean. I just really don’t know what to do and most of my motivation to continue on in life is slowly fading away, diminishing every time a razor hits my skin.
Anonymous asked: What happened in September?
I was stupid. I stopped caring about everything. I ended a relationship due to selfish reasons, I started fucking up my friendships because I was ignorant and self absorbed, i stopped trying to please my family, and then i was diagnosed with depression and psychosis. It had a snowball affect into insomnia, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, eating disorders, self harm, hallucinations, catatonia, thought disorder, delusions, mental contamination, and symmetric obsession. I dont think I would be as bad off now if I wasn’t such a cunt to everyone back then.
for those of you who don’t know already, i have a new tumblr. kinda different from this one i guess. cunts-n-waffles.tumblr.com
Anonymous asked: If you could go back to a certain point and time where things were all right and you were happy, what point in time would it be?
July. I would go back to July. I would be happy with anything before September really..
Everyday I wake up and I spend at least ten minuets minimum planning how I’m going to get through the day
but what if instead of getting drunk we all got sober like what if we were all constantly drunk and then on the weekends we get sober at night and have tea and intelligent conversations and then the next morning we’d wake up drunk again like “man i was so sober last night i think i figured out a cure for cancer”